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Hendrick's Reveals a Top Secret report that rewrites the Known History of Artificial Intelligence

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The Story of Bottle 923K: A Juniper-Scented step forward in Artificial Intelligence

On June 7th it was announced that the Turing Test had finally been passed.

This monumental achievement marks a significant point in the pursuit of real artificial intelligence. The Turing Test, which was conceived by British computer-genius Alan Turing in 1950, is an artificial intelligence test in which a computer has to ‘fool’ interrogators into believing it is a person. From its creation until 2014, no computer program had succeeded in this seemingly impossible challenge. However, this year the Russian-Ukrainian ‘chatter bot’ Eugene Goostman convinced a third of the judges sent to test it, a high enough pass rate to be considered a success.  While the claim remains controversial for several reasons (some think the bot ‘cheated’ by saying it had English as a second language and others question the pass rate), there is an earlier claim that is rather more conclusive. The following story is part of a highly classified subjunctive report that has never been publicly revealed. 

The Case of Bottle 923K 
In 2009 a bottle of Hendrick’s Gin passed the Turing Test. The test took place at a top secret facility hidden in an underground bunker in the Edinburgh catacombs. The bottle (numbered 923K) was put in a lab linked to the questioner’s room by computer terminals, of course the investigators were unable to see who or what they were talking to. As is normal with the Turing Test they could only communicate by written questions and answers.

Here is an extract from the transcript:
Questioners: Hello, what have you been doing today? 

Bottle 923K: Today I’m in a top secret facility in Edinburgh’s catacombs and being asked silly questions by scientists
 

Q: And how do you feel about that? 

B923K: I feel fine, but a little lonesome without a cucumber nearby

Q: Is that a joke?

B923K: I was wondering the same thing

Q: What are you?

B923K: A capricorn with scorpio rising

Q: Can you prove you’re not a computer?

B923K: Ask me a maths question and I’ll probably get it wrong. Also I don’t want any updates, apart from maybe a new hat. 

At this point 923K went on the offensive and fired a barrage of questions at his interrogators. The questions were so philosophical and probing that one of the team (Professor Karen Witztoger) lost faith in the belief that she was a human and has since been living as a fridge freezer. Two of the professors asserted their position and the questions rained down on 923K; after three hours the scientists were satisfied that they were dealing with some kind of being with self-awareness (though not that much, considering the Hawaiian shirt he was wearing)

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