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World Cucumber Day Experiment
Probing the mind of the cucumber

Probing the mind of the cucumber

Results from our covert cucumber research program.

For the past three months, while the rest of the world has been consumed with frivolous matters, we quietly embarked upon our own experiment with cucumber researcher, Graham Brown of the University of Sydney. The results are quite astonishing.

music appreciation and
the cucumis sativus

Throughout their growth cycle from seedling to majestic fruit, three groups of cucumber plants were exposed to three genres: classical, jazz and rock. The rock and roll specimens turned out measurably larger than jazz listeners and classicists (indicating that cucumbers are not only conscious, but perhaps more rakish than anticipated).

cucumber swaddling

Bundling subjects into tiny sleeping bags for a period of one week had the noticeable effect of softening their skin and making them somewhat pale. This is likely a side effect of longer periods of REM sleep due to the security of the blanketing.

a sense of smell
(despite a lack of an actual nose)

Specimens were divided into three groups, one spritzed with dill, another with sage and one final group left scent free. Those spritzed with dill turned out tastiest, perhaps indicating that cucumbers derive some type of satisfaction from pickling.

About Graham Brown

About Graham Brown, Horticultural Research Associate, The University of Sydney

A research scientist in the Plant Breeding Institute since 1973, Mr. Brown has spent a lifetime investigating how plants respond to external stimuli. For the past 10 years, he has focused relentlessly upon the cucumber, during which time he has helped to cultivate several unusual fruit varieties, including an adorable 4-inch version (scientifically termed the ‘cutecumber’) and one which feeds upon a diet of emu dung, desert soil, and yabby eggshells.

Mr. Brown has travelled to corners of the world in search of rare and peculiar flora, most recently journeying to Pakistan (the land where the cucumber began) to hunt for the wild specimens. Right this moment, it is quite likely, or at least possible, that he is risking his life in pursuit of something related to cucumbers.

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